ONLY GOD KNOWS WHY !

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL! THIS IS WEIRD,
I'M DOING THIS BLOG IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AFTERNOON. JAYCIE IS SITTING IN MY LAP AND CARTER IS AT MY MOMS! HE DECIDED HE WANTED TO GO HOME WITH HER WHEN SHE WAS OVER HERE, SO OF COURSE HE GOT TO GO.WHO COULD SAY NO TO THAT FACE?

ONE OF OUR VERY LOVED CHURCH MEMBERS MRS.PEGGY, DIED A FEW DAYS AGO, AND ITS REALLY BEEN HARD ON ALL OF US! SHE WAS ONE OF THOSE TRUE CHRISTIAN LADIES THAT NEVER SAID ANYTHING BAD ABOUT ANYONE! SHE WAS LOVED BY SO MANY! KNOWING I HAVE TO GO TO THE FUNERAL IN A FEW DAYS HAS REALLY GOT ME TO THINKING ABOUT WHAT WOULD THEY SAY AT MY FUNERAL? HOW WOULD I BE REMEMBERED? GOOD MOTHER, GOOD WIFE? GOOD SISTER, GOOD DAUGHTER ? I'M HOPING ALL THOSE THINGS WOULD BE SAID BUT WHO WOULD KNOW. I DON'T THINK MANY PEOPLE GET TO KNOW ME TRUELY! MAYBE THAT'S A GOOD THING BUT I THINK IT ALSO KEEPS PEOPLE FROM KNOWING MY TRUE FEELINGS AND FAITH! SOMEONE TOLD ME THE OTHER DAY THAT I WAS SO MUCH MORE BOLD AND OPEN ON THE COMPUTER AND ON MY BLOG THAN IN PERSON! YES, THAT'S VERY TRUE! MY TRUE FEELINGS COME OUT IN MY WRITING!

SO IF I DON'T OPEN UP TO YOU IN PERSON, PLEASE KNOW I DO HAVE GOOD AND TRUE INTENTIONS, I'M JUST SO SHY AND I CANT EVER EXPRESS MYSELF BUT THROUGH WRITING! SO MAYBE THAT'S WHY I DO THIS BLOG, SO MAYBE AT MY FUNERAL IT WILL BE READ AND THAT'S HOW PEOPLE WOULD REMEMBER ME ! AS YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED, PEOPLE DYING REALLY GETS TO ME! I HAVE A REALLY HARD TIME WITH IT! I KNOW, WHO DOESN'T, BUT IT GOES ON TO ANOTHER LEVEL WITH ME. EVEN IF I DIDN'T KNOW THE PERSON ALL THAT WELL, ITS CRAZY! I WENT TO VISIT MRS. PEGGY'S DAUGHTER MELISSA TODAY, AND I TRYED TO HOLD IT TOGETHER BUT I COULDN'T! I KNOW, I KNOW I NEED TO BE STRONG AND HOLD IT TOGETHER FOR HER BUT WHEN SHE STARTED TALKING ABOUT THE RAINBOW AFTER SHE PASSED AWAY, TEARS STARTED STREAMING ! IT WAS SUCH A HAPPY MOMENT BUT YET SAD! EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON AND ONLY GOD KNOWS WHY BUT IT STILL HURTS! I'M JUST GLAD I'M A PART OF A SMALL AND WONDERFUL CHURCH WHERE WE ARE ALL SO CLOSE AND THERE FOR EACH OTHER! WHEN SOMEONE IS GOING THROUGH A HARD TIME, WE ALL ARE !I'M SO THANKFUL THAT GOD LEAD ME BACK TO THAT CHURCH! I'M SO BLESSED TO HAVE THEM ALL AS MY FRIENDS! SO I JUST THANK GOD FOR ALL
THESE BEAUTIFUL MOMENTS I GET TO HAVE WITH THESE WONDERFUL PEOPLE IN MY LIFE! I REALIZE, IN JUST A BLINK OF AN EYE, IT COULD ALL BE GONE!

THIS WAS CARTER TODAY GETTING A HAIR CUT! MY BLOG WAS GOING TO BE ON CARTER AND JAYCIE BUT WHEN I STARTED WRITING MY HEART JUST WENT THE OTHER WAY!

Carter's new words this week are glasses and "what is that?" he's starting to get two and three words together! Jaycie is starting to eat a lil more from a spoon! Shes so happy all the time and laughing, smiling, and talking so much! She loves her blanky ! We dont go anywhere without it! Its always in her hands and mouth ! Gene got released back to work today so he will start next friday on nights! yuck! We have really enjoyed our daddy being home these past 6 weeks! My faith in God has really grown a lot stronger these past few months! Ive given it all to the Lord and he has gotten us through. We are so much stronger as a family ! See, everything happens for a reason. God knew Gene and I needed some time together! God knows what he's doing! We should never doubt that!